So last night I read this amazing book which is basically a poem called ‘The Last Time I’ll Write About You’ by Dawn Lanuza and it just blew my mind. I usually don’t read poems but I don’t know why but this book caught my eye. So while I was reading it there was this line which just stuck in my mind. And the line was:
“Should I be thankful or regretful that my only idea of love is you?”
This one line felt like somebody just shot a bullet in my heart. And I kept thinking about it over and over again. Then I asked myself; should I be thankful or regretful?
I told myself maybe I should regret that I’ve been in love with a guy for the past 5 years who doesn’t even love me back but I didn’t feel any regret. At all! I don’t regret to fall for the wrong guy. Honestly, I’m thankful that he was my first love even if it was one sided from my side. I’m glad that he came into my life because if he wouldn’t then I wouldn’t have known what true love means. And then I thought if I could love someone who doesn’t even love me back – that much, just imagine how much I could love someone who would love me back.
All these thought were running in my mind when I thought to complete the book and when I got to the end I was in awe. Because what I read next just blew – you know what why don’t you just read it yourself.
If I could love you this much
For this long
– And on my first try –
I could love someone else more
I was like, that’s it. I have to move on. I have to stop living in the past. I have to stop re-reading the same chapter of my live over and over again and just turn over the page. I know it’s going to be hard but at least I’m trying. And I’m not saying that I’ll just forget him because that’s not going to happen. I can’t erase him from my memory. He is and always will be my first love and a small part of my heart will always love him but that’s not gonna stop me from loving somebody else. But for now I have to say goodbye. And I know I’m taking this line from the book but I think it pretty much suits my life too.
So, this is it. This is the last time I’ll ever write about you.